Trump to Convert West Wing Into McDonald’s-KFC Hybrid Restaurant

WASHINGTON—Calling it “a tremendous moment in American history,” former Apprentice host and current president Donald Trump announced Friday a historic remodel that will transform part of the White House’s West Wing into the world’s first McDonald’s–KFC combination restaurant.

“It truly is unprecedented,” said Yum! Brands CEO David Gibbs, praising Trump as “a brave visionary doing what no president has ever had the courage—or business acumen—to do.”

Standing proudly beside the CEO, Trump touted the remodel as a major step forward for American innovation. “You’ll be able to eat a Big Mac with a side of fried chicken breast at the same table,” he said. “Now that’s progress.”

The remodel will reportedly replace the Situation Room and Cabinet Room, a move critics have called “an insult to democracy.” Trump dismissed those concerns, saying, “Those rooms are shitholes anyway. We never use them. Better to put them to good use—that’s how business is done.”

Sources within the administration claim Trump is also developing a signature menu item called The Patriot Sandwich—a McDonald’s burger served between two fried chicken breasts—that will be sold every Memorial Day at participating McDonald’s and KFC locations.

When asked whether the move might worsen the nation’s obesity crisis, Trump shrugged and replied, “I don’t negotiate with a bunch of fat pussies.”